I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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