The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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