I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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