I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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