how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize