i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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