The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
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I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
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Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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