Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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