I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
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I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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