what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You dont lie about slip and slides
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he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
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I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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