I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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