i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
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