its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize