So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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