The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
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This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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