you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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