You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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