shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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