any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
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I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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