She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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