she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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