Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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