I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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