Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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