My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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