everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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