I cockslap morals
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
being pregnant is like rehab
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize