Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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