Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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