I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Michael Bay diarrhea
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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