Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
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he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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