Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize