Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
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you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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