doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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