You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize