I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize