she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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