I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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