i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize