i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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