i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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