everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
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My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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