I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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