You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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