just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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