I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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