have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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