its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize