Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize