I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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